Lazarus?

Ethan asked me how many lives I have once. I told him I didn't want to have to find out.

Apparently I have at least four. I died as Ryan and came back as Reimei. I died again as Reimei and Ciarente managed to bring me back from that. Now they tell me I was dead again. Braindead, really. Lilly's implants were keeping me alive, preventing the tissue from decaying and maintaining a heartbeat and everything else. But there was no activity in my brain at all.

I don't know what they did. I woke up in a bombed-out research complex somewhere in Esoteria with a few dozen True Slaves pounding on the door, and Lilly telling me it was time to get the hell out. We did, but only just, and now Inara has us cooped up on her carrier for...well, I don't really know why. She told me she doesn't want us leaving, which is a bit of a laugh.

I've been out a few times so far, just to see some friends. They were a bit surprised to see me alive, and I guess in retrospect, I'm surprised to be alive. None of them are happy about how it happened though, and frankly neither am I. Whatever Lilly put in my head to get impulses firing, it came from Nation technology. Hikari caught wind and had me come meet her at the Skyhook because apparently her corporation has standing orders to avoid the Gate. No idea why, but I guess they aren't the only ones what with all the trouble I heard Ordo was in.

Anyway, she wanted to talk to me about it. Warned me how subtle the "transformation," as she called it, is or can be. She seems to think that I'll be a True within a few months. It was all I could do not to laugh. I told her that would never happen, that the implants are only keeping my neurons firing. She wasn't convinced. What else can I do, though? The doctors said that there is some residual tissue damage, and I won't be able to scan for a clone for at least a couple of weeks. Until then, I'm stuck in this body.

It's not so bad, I guess. My head hurts more often than is probably normal, and I've been getting nosebleeds with odd frequency. The worst of it was when that Riri girl who told Ethan and me where Tyrias was before we killed him showed up. She had to have been on something, because she was stronger and faster than anyone her size ought to be. Forced me into a bench, sat in my lap, and demanded and apology for breaking her bracelet the night I met her.

Inara's guards showed up and made things worse. I'd been letting the amateurs follow me for a few weeks, but not anymore. The girl had these tattoos on her neck that, well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised about them, coming form Tyrias. She calls him "Master" like it's a name. I'd feel sorry for her if it wasn't so revolting.

I went to talk to Inara about getting the guards off of me, but Age was there. Between the headaches and exhaustion, and how angry I was about the guards, I couldn't deal with her. Age apparently felt the same way, because she tried to punch me a few times. I didn't let her, and just left the room.

I went back to Amaterasu's ship, which is still in Inara's maintenance array, and decided to try to sleep it off. About a half hour later I got a message from Inara saying to meet her at the observation deck on her carrier. I ignored it and went back to sleep. About twenty minutes after the time she appointed for me to meet her, Amaterasu's XO comes knocking at the door to her quarters, trying to get me to come out and talk to Inara. The goddamn woman is persistent.

So I went to talk to her, and she had some kind of fit. Just collapsed, half crying, half laughing. I pucked her up and calmed her down more on reflex than anything else. Took her to the galley and cooked her dinner and then told her to remove the security detail. Eventually she agreed, but then told me to show Age more consideration in her home.

That was, well, about the last I could take of that. She actually believes that the things Age has dome to me are okay, because it is Age, and she must have a higher purpose. The girl is so unbelievably stupid in how lovestruck she is that I simply can't make myself deal with her anymore. So, I told her that I'd already have killed Age if I could.

She didn't like that. At all. I agreed to leave Age alone provided I never see her again. Told Inara that if Age so much as looks at me funny, I'll start looking for a way to kill her. Inara begged me not to make her choose between Age and me. I am not sure who she thinks she's kidding there. From the way she defended Age, and continues to defend her, what she is really asking is for me not to make her actually do something about the choice she's already made. She tried to tell me that I needed to give Age another chance, that even I'd said everyone deserves a second chance. Well, Age has had her second chance. And third, and fourth. She spat on all of them, and I'm past believing that'll change.

When I told Inara that I would leave Age alone if she left me alone, though, Inara treated it like I'd just rescued her child from a burning building. Swore to give me anything I wanted, and promised she was so far in my debt she'd never be able to repay me. Took offense when I told her not to bother trying, that she had nothing I wanted. I probably could have been more diplomatic about that, but I'm tired of that girl and how stupid she is. I never should have tried to do for her what I tried and failed to do for Tyrias. At least when I met Tyrias he had sense and potential. I don't know what I was thinking with Inara.

And, to make matters even more complicated, Amaterasu has just come home with bloody hands and strange news. It seems that I'm getting what I wanted. Amaterasu is joining a corporation, or so she says. But, the corporation she's joining is PRETA, which means she'll be flying with Inara. At least there are other people there who I think I can trust to look after her. She said she didn't really remember the interview very well, and I think I know what that means, but she told me she broke Vaden's jaw, which at least made me laugh. Apparently he stopped calling her slave, and even shook her hand though. Maybe, as long as she keeps clear of Inara and Age, it'll be a good place for her. This Vince guy she brought back to show her ship the other day seems decent enough, and genuinely interested in her well being.

Vincent Pryce was his full name. Inara seemed to have an interest in him, but Inara seems to be interested in just about anything with a pulse. When I met him first, Inara was sitting in Amaterasu's lounge on the Kagutsuchi, naked as usual. Apparently it made him uncomfortable as hell. I hadn't given it a second thought until he turned ten shades of red and started stammering and slipping up when he talked.

But, Amaterasu said he was nice to her. Said he let her try some fruit, gave her a birthday cake, and some fruit juice she really liked. I'll have to get to know him a little better to see if there's anything else to him. He seemed damned uncomfortable when Inara blurted out that I had Sansha implants. Not that I blame him, but then that's Inara. Not even a modicum of regard for anyone's privacy.

Maybe tomorrow I'll try to talk to him. If Amaterasu is, in fact, joining PRETA, then I need to know more about them. Maybe I'll catch Myrhial at the Gate again. Asking Inara would be a waste of time, and I doubt Vaden can actually talk, or that he'd talk to me if he could. I'll just have to figure it out. But for now, I've double checked that the fingernail cuts in Amaterasu's palms are clean, and she's asleep. I guess I'll stop this before the keyboard wakes her up. As if anything really could...